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The wealthy massage therapists understands the importance of boundaries and the difference between caretaking and caregiving.

One of the major themes of my personal work and writing on my websites is the idea that helping others has a deep shadow side to it- which means there is more to it than just the act of helping. Helping is often filled with hidden agendas all of which are actions that serve to meet our needs for self validation and nurturing. I read a few paragraphs in a book this morning that really laid it out clearly.

From the book “Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney”

We are taught to be caretakers instead of care-givers. That is, to take our self-definition - our ego strength- from what we do for others, rather than giving to others out of our Self as an expression of Love.
This is a matter of focus: Codependence is a disease of reversed focus. If you are taking your self-worth from what you are doing for others, you are going to end up being the victim  because they are not going to do what you want them to do in return. (After all I’ve done for you!)
If you are giving as an expression of self-worth then you do not need to get anything in return - and that is when you really get the gifts.

The only way to become a Caregiver rather than Caretaker is to set boundaries for yourself that support you and nurture you. Boundaries are what define you in your relationship with your client. In order to set clear boundaries, you need to know who you really are and what your beliefs and opinions are.

Helping or Caretaking is a defense mechanism that was developed so that you could feel good about yourself under extraneous circumstances. When you set clear boundaries to start taking care of yourself you are able to start letting down your defenses. Taking care of yourself in every way- financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually - will allow you to feel self -fulfilled and not needing to get validation from others because you will be able to provide your own validation and self worth.

Your people pleasing behaviors (such as working for low wages thinking that is what you need to do to get and keep a client or just letting people slide when they cancel at the last minute) are really showing you your beliefs about yourself and are usually opening an early childhood wound that is covered up by years of suppressing the hurt feelings.

The more you can begin to realize that you do need money to take care of yourself and family and stop sacrificing your needs for that of your client, the more your practice will thrive. It is what Suze Orman talks about in her 8 Qualities of a Wealthy Woman in her book “Women and Money”. She says that when you are able to live by the 8 Qualities, you will have all that you need without much effort which also is really what the law of attraction is all about.

For more on Caretakers/Caregivers:

Psychology for Massage Therapists

The Call to help on
www.massagetherapycareers.com

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Working as a massage employee in a Spa or other clinic doing massage and other spa therapies is no different than if you work for yourself except that you are not assuming the expenses of the overhead.

You still have to put your best efforts into giving a great massage and doing everything you can do to get that client to come back again and/or send in all of their friends and family members.  You have the unique challenge of having to work with clients who are new to you which requires that you do your best to do an intake with them and learn as much about them as you can so that you can provide what they need.

One of the first things to figure out when you are looking for a job is what exactly do you want to be doing and where?  What kind of environment do you want to be in?  One where the owner/manager does everything and dictates how you do massage or one where you can participate in the business and help it to grow and flourish?

Many massage therapists go into a job in massage therapy thinking that they won’t have to do anything - just show up and work on clients and make $60 per hour.  Well that $60 an hour the massage schools said you would be making really only applies to massage therapists who set up their own business.  Most massage jobs pay between $15-$45 per hour dependind on the setting.  Massage Envy -the massage franchise - pays about $15 per hour.  Working in a medical setting or high end spa setting you could probably make more like $35-$45 per hour.

When you go for an interview for a job, you really want to interview them too to see if you really want to work there.

The spa industry is getting a bad reptutation for providing poor working conditions or at least according to the massage therapists side of things.  Low pay, competition for appointments, long hours, having to do other non-massage work, having too many clients and not enough time in between sessions or not having enough sessions.

I have also heard the other side from spa or clinic owners and have also experienced the frustrations of taking on people to just sublease office space.  There are many massage therapists just out there looking for a free ride and think that they won’t have to do anything in exchange.  Many do not take their jobs seriously and take the attitude of not wanting to do things they are asked to do.

So when you are thinking about going to work as a massage therapist start thinking about what you can do to help make the business a success (which means you will be a success).  What can you do to bring in clients rather than depending on the owners to get you clients?  What can you do to get clients to come back more?  Do you talk to people about the benefits of getting regular massage?  Do you hand them your own flyer or business card when they walk out?

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Here is my summary of the things that I have found to be of importance from Keith Eric Grants “A Review of Issues in Massage Governance”

• Most states have licensed massage therapists under practice acts which limit many different types of massage and bodywork especially the ones involving energy work and movement based therapies. This makes people who practice different types of massage be required to study and learn Swedish Massage (and take basic massage school classes) and take a test that may not be related to what they do. A title act can will make it possible for all to practice the type of massage/bodywork that they want.
• There are no clear measurable standards of practice. (I think This also has to do with the fact that the massage and bodywork profession are so diverse it is near impossible to create categories for all.)
• Stress is the number one health issue and massage therapists with 100-150 hours of training are well equiped to treat stress.
• It isn’t necessary to have more hours of training and it has been shown that “practical experience is a prerequisite to effective use of later instruction and to moving knowledge from an academic setting to use in clinical practice”. ( I have always thought that people learn better after they see and work with various conditions and clients.)
• There is no proof of harm being done by massage therapists. Harm is usually used as one of the reasons for needing to license massage.
• There will always be massage therapists who cross the lines and exploit the professional therapeutic relationship. “Consumer protection is not a matter of training but of following the complaints and enforcing disciplinary actions” which most state boards are not equipped to handle.
• There is a direct corelation in the increasing number of hours of training that massage schools offer and the ability for students to get federal funding for massage school. Massage schools are wanting to get more students who can get funding for school and the State boards are responding to the schools lobbying efforts and increasing the requirements of number of hours of education.
• States are just increasing the number of hours needed and not increasing the standards of practice.
• Classroom learning only leads to the students ability to answer test questions adequately and does not show if they can actually apply it to clients/patients.
• “Research indicates that the environment that seems to best able to foster understanding leading to usability has much in common with traditional apprenticeships.”

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With the upcoming 4th of July Holiday celebrating Independence in the US, it has got me to thinking about what independence really is. While the holiday refers to the incidences that led up to the US declaring it’s independence from Britain. It wasn’t just one day and everything was peachy-keen. (Does anyone say that anymore?) I found this very short history of a very long story of independence.

Independence was a process.

Your own personal independence is a process too. When you really think about it we aren’t independent. We rely on jobs for income, we have to be places and do things and have little time for family, friends and ourselves.

Well you can find independence - there is a way - and it is called Site Build IT! - the all in one webhosting and business development system that takes you every step of the way in building and creating your own personal independence.

For so many people - when you stop working your income stops. So you continue to work and continue staying stuck in jobs that you hate.

Independence means being able to do what you want to do when you want to do it. If you are a massage therapist you were most likely drawn to the massage profession because of this exact reason - thinking that you could work when you wanted and not be tied down but probably didn’t realize that you would be working harder than you ever have in your life trying to find clients to keep your schedule full or find a job that pays you more than $15 an hour.

Site Build It! is all about independence and creating residual income - income that doesn’t stop when you stop working. It is about spending your time doing something you love -that’s independence. When you follow your path and make the hard choices that seem unbearably overwhelming what often happens is the unbelievable.

Like I used to complain about insurance companies and how they don’t pay us what we charge here in WA and how I think that the rest of the people who are charging more than their cash clients are doing harm to the profession. I struggled with giving up the income from my insurance clients and was not sure how I would make up the difference - but my heart could not take it any longer. I finally made the decision to stop taking insurance and before you know it I am getting new cash clients calling and getting calls from the patients of one insurance company that does pay more than I charge. I also got a call from an reputable insurance company here and they want me to come to work for them - Imagine that!

So when you take the hard steps and make the difficult choices you will find your independence. Ken Evoy - owner and creator of Site Build It! is making July 6th Independence Day for SBI’ers offering his special sale of SBI websites - Buy one for $299 and get the second one for $100 .( You can give the other one away or share it with a friend or just use both sites to create the independence you want!)

“Why build JUST a Web site…
when you COULD build a Web BUSINESS?”

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A victim is someone who complains all the time about things or someone who continually blames others or other circumstances for their situation. “I don’t have any clients because the new spa that opened up is stealing them all”. ” I don’t have enough clients because the receptionist at the spa is giving everyone else but me the clients I need”. “My employer doesn’t pay me enough”.

The thing is that blaming others to be the cause of your misfortune renders you powerless.
You do have choices although they may be difficult choices. You could leave the spa, go out there and get your own clients and just start making the more difficult choices that will get you back into alignment with your values. As Suze Orman points out in her book “Women and Money” (which I said before could be called “Massage Therapists and Money”) that when you are more in harmony with your true self and stop compromising your values, life will get easier. If you do the hard things your life will get easier. She talks about harmony as “the pleasing interaction between what you think, feel, say and do.” The way that you can tell if you are out of harmony with your values/beliefs is to pay attention to how you feel. Your feelings are the indicators of being in harmony. If you are feeling anything but joy or love, you are not in harmony and you need to make a different choice or take a different action.

I learned about it when I was first in massage school through the drama triangle theory. At the time I didn’t really think much of it or even think it had anything to do with me.

Since we all are human, I would guess that everyone at one time or another is on the drama triangle complaining about the way things are. It is just our nature. We need drama to get the attention that we never got and still crave.

The way to get off of the drama triangle is to take responsibility for your thoughts, beliefs and actions. It isn’t easy by any means. It is a very painful process (and I can personally attest to that.) It is so much easier to complain and blame and keep hurting yourself so you don’t hurt others. It may seem so much easier to not go and find a new job or take the chance and go out there and create your ideal practice when you feel stuck (especially with financial aspects blocking you in).
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get support and keep talking with others about your feelings as it isn’t really about what is happening. Your anger and discomfort are really an indicator that whatever is happening is triggering an old wound -an old hurt. Allowing yourself to feel the hurt and just admit “It hurts” instead of lashing out in anger at others will allow you to give yourself the support and nurturing you need to give yourself.

The fact is that no one is coming to the rescue. Nope. No one.
There is only you.

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