A victim is someone who complains all the time about things or someone who continually blames others or other circumstances for their situation. “I don’t have any clients because the new spa that opened up is stealing them all”. ” I don’t have enough clients because the receptionist at the spa is giving everyone else but me the clients I need”. “My employer doesn’t pay me enough”.
The thing is that blaming others to be the cause of your misfortune renders you powerless.
You do have choices although they may be difficult choices. You could leave the spa, go out there and get your own clients and just start making the more difficult choices that will get you back into alignment with your values. As Suze Orman points out in her book “Women and Money” (which I said before could be called “Massage Therapists and Money”) that when you are more in harmony with your true self and stop compromising your values, life will get easier. If you do the hard things your life will get easier. She talks about harmony as “the pleasing interaction between what you think, feel, say and do.” The way that you can tell if you are out of harmony with your values/beliefs is to pay attention to how you feel. Your feelings are the indicators of being in harmony. If you are feeling anything but joy or love, you are not in harmony and you need to make a different choice or take a different action.
I learned about it when I was first in massage school through the drama triangle theory. At the time I didn’t really think much of it or even think it had anything to do with me.
Since we all are human, I would guess that everyone at one time or another is on the drama triangle complaining about the way things are. It is just our nature. We need drama to get the attention that we never got and still crave.
The way to get off of the drama triangle is to take responsibility for your thoughts, beliefs and actions. It isn’t easy by any means. It is a very painful process (and I can personally attest to that.) It is so much easier to complain and blame and keep hurting yourself so you don’t hurt others. It may seem so much easier to not go and find a new job or take the chance and go out there and create your ideal practice when you feel stuck (especially with financial aspects blocking you in).
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get support and keep talking with others about your feelings as it isn’t really about what is happening. Your anger and discomfort are really an indicator that whatever is happening is triggering an old wound -an old hurt. Allowing yourself to feel the hurt and just admit “It hurts” instead of lashing out in anger at others will allow you to give yourself the support and nurturing you need to give yourself.
The fact is that no one is coming to the rescue. Nope. No one.
There is only you.
Related posts:
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- Massage Therapists and Money I just watched Suze Orman’s Women and Money show on...
- How you value yourself Your ideal client is one who values massage, your work,...
Boy, Julie, that post should make you popular. Who doesn’t like being a victim? It’s security. I know. Been there, done that.
But everything you said is very true. Yes, we all have choices/ freewill and that’s our key to independence/ self-respect.
I like your solution of getting into a group for some supervision. But one caution: don’t get into a group full of more victims! It’s easy to do. If you do it, you’ll really be in a rut.