A New Earth for massage therapists

“A New Earth” is Eckhart Tolle’s book that is now being promoted by Oprah. They are teamed up and offering a free online class that starts on Monday, March 3rd.

When I read “A New Earth” a few years ago when it first came out, I couldn’t put the book down and it became an inspiration for me to continue writing about such things despite many massage therapists not quite getting it that they can build a massage practice using similar principles of becoming more authentic by being present.

So many massage therapists are caught up in knowing more, learning more and doing more and the client usually gets caught in the middle. Part of the problem is how we are trained to ‘fix’ in massage school and our new role with the medical profession requires us to do it even more by reporting on improvements and having treatment stopped when function returns rather than when pain is resolved.

I was at a spa a few weeks ago and overheard a massage therapist in the hallway talking to someone who had just come out of the massage room and telling her how stressed the client was and how much more work the person needed. I could feel the tension in the air. The person who had just gotten a massage was being berated for how much stress they had rather than being honored for who they are. Now I am sure I am reading into things because I don’t know the whole story but it is examples like these or other stories of massage therapists saying things like “I just need to fix their pain” or ‘it is my duty to tell people about mercury poisoning and other possibilities that could be causing their health issues or I don’t feel like I am doing my job.

What “A New Earth” talks about is our roles that we take on to protect ourselves and our egos from suffering and how that creates more. But it is suffering that can free us from our pain and unhappy lives.

The ego is not something that is bad or that we need to get rid of. He says “It isn’t wrong, it is just unconscious” We are alive today because our egos are invested in ourselves. Tolle says that ‘Our egos are just are false self. It is the unconscious part of ourself.” The way to become more conscious is to become more present and aware of our egos.

But awakening from being unconscious is a little like thawing out from having frost bite - it is painful as we start to regain feeling.

A common thing that I often hear from massage therapist that I work with is about how they don’t feel like they know enough to help people. Tolle says this is actually the best place to be. When you can admit you don’t know enough you can realize that you are enough just as you are.

Another way to become aware of your ego is to become aware of what you are feeling in your body. As massage therapists we have the unique opportunity to help people feel their bodies more. ( I actually think this is more important than any specific massage technique or method.) Tolle says “Body awareness not only anchors you in the present moment, it is a doorway out of the prison that is the ego. It also strengthens the immune system and the body’s ability to heal.”

I also so often see massage therapists who become their role thinking that they are the only ones that can help someone and that massage is the end all answer to the worlds problems. I used to think like that when I first started out saying things like ‘if everyone got a massage once a week there would be world peace” (well there might be!) I also hear them complaining about things like working for chiropractors who take advantage of them or not having enough clients because of the economy or whatever the complaint is at the moment. Tolle says that “Complaining is one of the ego’s favorite ways of strengthening itself”. It makes us feel better to complain. And clients come into us complaining about this or that, this work situation or family situation and they come in with their pain and their attachment to their pain.

He talks about roles and how we take on roles to get the needs of the ego met.
How can we as massage therapists learn to become aware of our roles and learn to just be as a massage therapist?

How can we learn to serve and become more present with ourselves and with our clients to help make “A New Earth?”

Posted in Changing Your Beliefs, Peer Supervision, Recommended Reading, The Wealthy Massage Therapist | 2 Comments »

Peer Supervision - Who needs it?

Peer Supervision is really a confusing term to understand. For the longest time I fought using the words and tried to call it everything but peer supervision - mastermind groups, mentoring, support groups.

The thing is that the best way to really understand what peer supervision is about is to experience it first hand. Once I participated and understood then I said - yes it is peer supervision.

Of course in my opinion every massage therapist needs to participate in peer supervision groups and I have been thinking about what needs to be done to get it included in legal requirements of becoming a massage therapist - it is that important.

A massage therapist needs peer supervision if they want to become the best massage therapist that they can be. I wrote up some information on my website about who needs peer supervision.

While I think that people who have survived the 5 years in business mark as a massage therapist are drawn to peer supervision more, it can be really helpful for a massage therapist who is still in school or just starting out to get the assistance that they need in setting up and learning to run a massage business. Most people starting out are too focused on things like money and getting clients and think that they don’t need peer supervision. They also don’t really understand articles like “In the Service of Life” or books like “how can I help by Ram Dass. I know I didn’t when I was first starting out and there was no way that anyone could tell me that that was me in the article and book. It isn’t until one has struggled long enough or starts to feel burned out that the seek out peer supervision when it is the exact thing that can help prevent it and help a massage practice flourish.

So I am starting an online peer supervision group that you can read more about at my website - www.massagepracticebuilder.com. It won’t be quite the same as meeting in person because you get so much from hearing people’s voices and seeing people’s physical reaction, but it will be a way that we can start learning and sharing from each other in a much deeper way to help protect the future of the massage profession.

Posted in Building Your Practice, Changing Your Beliefs, Money issues, Peer Supervision, The Code of the Caretaker, The Wealthy Massage Therapist | No Comments »

The Drama Triangle- The rescuer massage therapist

The therapeutic relationship is a very complex relationship that requires that we become more aware of the dynamics of relating to each other. One of the ways is by studying and learning about the Drama Triangle. I wrote about it initially on my website www.thebodyworker.com

It is really the underlying dynamic in most relationships but because of the power differential that occurs in the therapeutic relationship, the drama triangle can be more evident in a client/massage therapist relationship. There are three positions of the drama triangle -the rescuer, the victim and the persecutor. There is usually a combination of them at work in a therapeutic relationship or any relationship for that matter. One position leads to the next. The rescuer can become the persecutor or victim and any combination of roles.

As massage therapists we are often taught to ‘fix’ a clients pain and injuries. Many massage therapists come to the profession wanting to ‘help’ others. Clients come to us looking to be fixed and taken care of. One of the roles on the drams triangle is the rescuer. We think we need to get the client out of pain.

People who are in pain or sick or injured quickly take on the role of the victim -wanting someone to fix the condition for them. This is the basis for modern medicine. Needing to be fixed they will find a rescuer to help them. As massage therapists we often take on the role of rescuer but we can also move into any of the other roles with clients and also within ourselves. Becoming aware of how we rescue (help, fix) is not an easy process. It doesn’t just stop overnight. When the process occurs internally taking on various roles at different times, it is usually can lead to feeling stuck in building a practice or finding a massage job. We blame the economy or bad spa owners for our lack of success.

Rescuers need to rescue to feel good about themselves. They need victims to be successful. A rescuer thinks everyone needs their help even those who are not directly asking for it. Rescuers don’t know how to take care of themselves so they focus on others. Rescuers usually have deep unconscious beliefs about themselves that they are not good enough so they rescue to feel good about themselves. Rescuers see others pain so clearly because they are filled with pain of their own. It easier to help others with their pain instead of addressing their own pain. Rescuers are not usually aware of their own pain or even think that they have any issues to work through. They are so busy helping they can’t see their own pain. They say things like “I just want to fix this psoas” or “if only I knew more anatomy, I could fix this”. It is a very unconscious process meaning that most are not even aware of the dynamics and their own part in each interaction. Rescuing others tells the other person that they are not good enough or smart enough to help themselves. Rescuers often end up underming others and reinforcing the victim stance. It is hurting more than helping. Rachel Remen MD explains this beautifully in her article “In the Service of Life”.

The early child/parent relationship sets us up for the drama triangle with parents often taking on the role of rescuer. The child isn’t old enough, smart enough and needs to be protected from the world. When are early childhood needs aren’t met ( which they rarely are ever totally met even with the best of parenting) we often are left waiting to be rescued. We fear asking for help because we may be further abandoned and hurt. We begin helping others so that they will become dependent on us and not leave us.

The thing is that every person has within themselves the power to find the answers to their health problems, business building problems or whatever they are faced with. You and you alone are your best source of advice if you can only begin to access your true self and listen to yourself. As a massage therapist our role is to be present for others as they uncover their own answers and true self. The thing is that you have to know your own self first before you can do this with a client.

People don’t even become aware of their rescuing habits until it becomes too painful to bear anymore. This is usually when a career in massage comes to an end but it doesn’t have to end if one can find the courage to begin to get off of the triangle.

The way off of the triangle is to start learning to feel the pain of abandonment and/or the pain of not getting one’s early needs met. It means learning to take care of yourself in every aspect of your life from being financially sound, healthy, eating the right things, exercising and taking car of your internal needs for acceptance, love, appreciation and recognition. It is about becoming more aware of what you are feeling when a client arrives at your door wanting to be fixed. Staying present with the feeling means that you can have the feeling and not act on it but use it to become aware of what you are thinking or what belief you have about yourself that is creating this need to rescue.

Changing doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process and it can be supported by getting regular peer supervision sessions with an experience peer.

Posted in Building Your Practice, Changing Your Beliefs, Peer Supervision, The Code of the Caretaker, The Wealthy Massage Therapist | 4 Comments »

Massage Therapists in a Money Fog

One of the main reasons that people are drawn to the massage profession is that they are seeking a career in which they can help others more and participate in work that is more meaningful. While that is all well and good, there is usually a whole other side to helping that people never dreamed they would have to deal with. When people come to the massage profession only to help, they seem to think that helping others will get them the money that they need to live or they may even go as far to say that they don’t need much money or that it isn’t about the money. Being in such a fog about money is usually what leads to such thinking or should I say they aren’t thinking.

I also get a fair amount of massage therapists emailing me or sharing their stories on various forums about how they are underpaid and not taken seriously by their employers. They initially agreed to specific terms without really knowing what they were getting into and are left feeling resentful when working on clients or dealing with the employers.

Mikelann Valterra in her book “Why women earn less” (which I think really could be called ‘why massage therapists earn less”), she outlines some things to think about to see if you are in a money fog:

Do you regularly balance a check book?

Do you know exactly how much you are making each month?

Do you know where all of your money goes?

Do you know if you are saving enough for emergencies and retirement?

Many high school students today are researching careers and jobs and the first thing they ask me on my site www.massagetherapycareers.com is how much can I make as a massage therapist? The massage schools will tell them that massage therapists are charging $60-$80 per hour and more but fail to leave out the fact that this is not really what you make as a massage therapist. If you are working for yourself you need to deduct expenses or if you are working for someone else you usually get about 20-30% of that which isn’t much after you pay taxes on it all.

It is good that high school students are asking today. I know when I went to college a very long time ago, I never went with the intention of how much money I could make.

Choosing a career based on your need to help others is really also saying something else. Why are you wanting to be a massage therapist? There is usually really an unconscious deeper need being played out which is usually really a need for love, attention or acceptance. Choosing a career without knowing or caring how much you can make could mean that you are in a money fog.

You can best do that by taking a look at what you charge clients for your services as well as what you charge for no shows or last minute cancellations. I read in one of the massage magazines awhile ago a survey that asked how many people charged for no shows and most said they didn’t and always made excuses for the client. I was quite shocked. (I’ll have to find that again.) That’s a great example of money fog.

The way to get out of a money fog is to track just how much you are spending and become more aware of your spending patterns and money blueprints. Also joining or starting a peer supervision group can assist you in becoming more aware of issues like this which is the first step and basically the answer to changing your beliefs about money. I am starting an online peer supervision/mastermind group very soon - hopefully next week and will start taking applications from interested participants so stay tuned for more information.

Posted in Changing Your Beliefs, Money issues | 1 Comment »

Men as massage therapists

ABMP reports in their 2007 member survey report that Close to 83 percent are women. AMTA report that their members are 85% female and 15% are male. Male’s entering the massage profession find themselves in the minority which is a very unusual place for men to be.

One of the most FAQ’s on my website -www.massagetherapycareers.com is about the demand for men in the massage profession.
FAQ- Is the massage profession for men?

FAQ - Is there a demand for men?

Women have played the role of nurturing for so long that many are drawn to the massage profession to continue their work of helping others. I actually just had the thought that maybe it is also the reason why so many people struggle as a massage therapist. Through my own process of learning and discovering the hidden side of helping (see the code of the caretaker category) and seeing it in the massage therapists that I work with and interact with online and in person, I have seen that so many massage therapists confuse helping with running a business. (This is a whole other post for later!)

So what are the challenges for men in the massage profession?
Women clients find themselves uncomfortable being touched my men in some situations. The abuse of women by men sets up the bad image that males are faced with as a massage therapist. Men are skeptical of getting massage by men as they may also feel threatened sexually or they just prefer to have the nurturing of a woman.

Whatever the reasons many men are left out in the cold when looking for a job because men do not seem to be in demand in the massage profession. But how much of that is actually create by the massage profession itself?

In about 2002, I asked a male massage therapist, Ryan Hoyme (who went on to create www.massagenerd.com) to write an article on my website -www.thebodyworker.com about what issues males are faced with and how he overcame those issues.

Through the years he has also gotten many inquiries and replies to his article and he has posted them on his website at www.massagenerd.com.

The thing is that there are many successful men in the massage profession. Many have gone on to become teachers and develop their own methods of massage and bodywork. Many have written books.

Paul St John- Creator of Neuromuscular Educators

Leon Chaitow- Massage Today articles and profile,

Whitney Lowe- Massage Today articles, Founder and creator of Orthopedic Massage Research and Institute, author of

Keith Grant- Massage School teacher and writer who is very informed about the politics in the massage profession and is working to create standards for the massage profession. His website is www.ramblemuse.com

Ben Benjamin- Massage Today articles

Thomas Myers- Started with Ida Rolf and Rolfing and developed his own system of bodywork - Anatomy Trains.

Stuart Taws- British Sports Therapy

James Waleski - Orthopedic Massage

Art Riggs - Deep Tissue Massage Manual

Steve Capellini - Articles on Up Close and Personal, Spa Instructor and author. See his website www.royaltreatment.com.

John Upledger - Massage Today articles and profile. founder of the Upledger Institute.

George Kousaleos- Founder of the Core Institute

Harvey Kellog- Early Manual Therapy

Robert Calvert - founder of Massage Magazine and author of the “History of Massage”

Eric Dalton - Massage Today articles and Profile, Freedom from Pain Institute

Joseph Heller -Studied with Ida Rolf and created his own version of Structural Integration called Hellerwork.

Milton Trager- Tragerwork and Mentastics.

These are just a few of the many males in the profession who have created a name for themselves. They all have done it by working on many people and studying the body.

I also wonder if part of the problem is that men are not used to being discriminated against. It is a new feeling for them to be faced with. Massage schools are also telling them they will have difficulties and so when they are faced with hiring challenges they may take it personally.

The thing is that if whether you think you will or will not have issues or challenges as a male in the massage profession - you are right.

Focusing on the problem will keep you stuck on the problem. Focusing on the solution will keep you focused on creating what you want for yourself.

If you find that you are always finding the spa or job that is against hiring males, it is just a good opportunity to look at your own resistance and fear of working in the massage profession as a male. Most of the time it is some unconscious thought process that is keeping you from finding your ideal job.

One of the things you can do is to join or start your own peer supervision group that can be men only or a mixed group. Talking about these issues is one of the most important things we can do as a profession. Being able to share your concerns and yes- feelings is how the images of males as being a minority in the massage profession can begin to be changed.

Posted in Changing Your Beliefs, Male Issues in the Massage Profession, Peer Supervision, The Code of the Caretaker | 5 Comments »