Working as a massage employee

I just released my new ebook “The Massage Therapy Career Guide - the truth about becoming a massage therapist” and one of the sections in it I talk about how to get a job in massage therapy. I refer to this example in the book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill.

Think and Grow Rich Job finding process of Napoleon Hill.
First. Decide EXACTLY what kind of job you want. If the job doesn’t already exist, perhaps you can create it.
Second. Choose the company, or individual that you wish to work with.
Third. Study your prospective employer, as to policies, personnel, and chances of advancement.
Fourth. By analysis of yourself, your talents and capabilities, figure out WHAT YOU CAN OFFER, and plan ways and means of giving advantages, services, developments, ideas that you can successfully deliver.
Fifth. Forget about “a Job”. Forget whether or not there is an opening. Forget the usual routine of “have you got a job for me?” Concentrate on what you can give.
Sixth. Once you have your plan in mind, arrange with an experienced writer to put it on paper in neat form and in full detail.
Seventh. Present it to the proper person with the authority and he will do the rest. Every company is looking for men who can give something of value, whether it be ideas, services, or connections. Every company has room for the man who has a definite plan of action which is to the advantage of that company.

I am not sure if it is just because you only hear the horror stories or complaints and if someone has a good job and they don’t complain about it - you don’t hear about it, but more often than not, all I hear are stories of massage therapists feeling like they are being taken advantage of by employers- whether they are chiropractors or spa employers.

Massage therapists or any employee for that matter seems to think that working for someone entitles you to a never ending paycheck, constant raises and continuing praise for your work. As I have been reading a series of books called “Diamond Heart” by AH Alamas, one of the things he says we search for in jobs and relationships is really our essence.

He says:

You continue to pursue your career as a physicist, a gardener, a mother and so on, but all of the time you remember and realize that it is only a reflection of something else, that what you wish most deeply is to actualize a part of yourself…..your purpose is not to be the physicist, the gardener or a mother. Your purpose is find the precious pearl, your personal essence.”

He goes on to say;

Once you know your personal essence, what you do doesn’t matter much. You choose what will enlarge you and enhance your real self.

That something else is really our attempt to find that totally merged feeling we were supposed to or once had with our mothers. We continue to seek that out in all that we do - unconsciously for the most part.

So why massage therapists are choosing to work for chiropractors or others who take advantage of them to me makes me think that they are still really thinking that they are looking for something or someone to take care of them. So they go to work feeling resentful and are hesitant to ask for raises or what they need because they fear they won’t have any job at all. This will come through loud and clear to the client whether you are aware of it or not.

I am not saying this is every one. I am sure there are massage therapists who go out there and work hard at their jobs because they love every moment of it and don’t feel like they are being taken advantage of even when they have to do the cleaning and are getting paid only $10 an hour.

I also have been getting emails from readers saying things like “they just want to make money in this field because they have heard things like you can make $60 an hour. They of course are not getting the whole story. They don’t have any love of massage or of health or the amazing body. They want to pursue a career just for the money. While you do need to make money to live, just doing something for the money is the work of your ego and not your essence.

Your essence is that deep, vulnerable part of you that gets covered up by society and growing up. It is that part of you that gets set aside when you think and act in ways just to get love and attention. Learning to open that part of you often requires feeling all of those feelings that were buried in order for you to please others and be a good person. It is a painful realization to come to but that is what really being an adult is all about. Our neediness is what tells us how much we have to grieve - not really how much we need.

The thing is that you can have that state of complete merging but not with another person or not with a job. You can have it all by yourself when you learn to let your guard down and feel those feelings of not getting those needs for early bonding and attachment met.

It is what massage is really all about - creating that container where people can get their needs met. Getting it for yourself first will help you to be a better therapist and be a stronger person so that you can give that gift of your essence to others - making it easier for them to find theirs.

Posted in Ethics, Massage Therapy Jobs, Peer Supervision, The Code of the Caretaker | 2 Comments »

Understanding Projections for Massage Therapists

My concept of the $100,000 massage practice and the ‘wealthy massage therapist’ continues to bring mixed reactions. A few have emailed me privately saying I am full of crap but they don’t bother to say why or what their feelings are on the topic.

I have learned that when you are reacting to something so strongly and especially being moved to downright rude comments that it seems to have triggered something deeply with in you and it is not usually directly related to the current situation but something from deep in your past.

Projections are basically unowned parts of ourselves that show up in our live in all relationships and aspects of our lives. They are such an important part of our work and the therapeutic relationship which is the basis of building a massage practice and being successful as a massage therapist. Projection in the massage therapy profession is called transference and counter-transference. It is important to learn to start understanding projections where ever they may occur in your life if you are serious about building a massage practice. Projections are a really deep and intense part of our consciousness and it requires a real intention to help discover and work through projections. Projections are unconscious which make them so difficult to see and understand.

Elliot Greene in his book “The Psychology of the Body” defines projection as:

an attribute, impulse, feeling or perception that actually belongs to an individual’s personality, but is not experiences as such by the individual. Instead, it is attributed to objects or persons in the environment, that is, not oneself, and is then experienced as directed toward the individual by those objects or persons.”

Huh?
A.H. Alaamas, in his book “Diamond Heart: Book One. The Elements of the Real in Mans says this about projection:

Projection is one of the main defenses we use to avoid seeing the truth that lies inside us…. It is one of the first defensive mechanisms developed in infantile life…. When you are projecting you are actually acting at the pre-verbal, pre-conscious level.

Defenses are what are needed when you don’t have boundaries. Boundaries are anything that helps to differentiate you from someone else. They tell you where you begin and end. When you start to get mad at or blame others or react rather than respond somewhere your sense of self has been challenged. Your reactions are usually coming from that false self that was created in early childhood to protect yourself. The process of differentiation- of learning to be your true self - is achieved when you can learn to process these feelings from what you think and learning to hold on to those feelings and not react.

While I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, when you can say hmm… that sounds interesting but I think she is wrong and this is why and not get angry - you are feeling informed about something and not reacting - it usually isn’t a projection. If you are reacting and reacting intensely it is most likely a projection - meaning it is really a reaction about something else. This is especially the case when you feel like retreating and not even talking about it but when you prefer to just ‘leave’ or write rude comments or emails.

Being able to understand projections and hold conversations about topics with your professional peers such as this and others like ‘The $100,000 massage practice” can help you in your practice which will be full of projections between you and your client.

Posted in Ethics, Massage Schools/Students, Peer Supervision, Recommended Reading, The Code of the Caretaker, The Wealthy Massage Therapist | 1 Comment »

Fear of building a successful massage practice

Fear is a tricky emotion. It is often disguised under other emotions - anger, frustration, sadness and others. There are really only two emotions - love and fear. If it isn’t love - it is fear.

Your fears of building a successful massage practice of finding a dream massage therapy job are really a great opportunity to learn more about your beliefs.
Whenever our beliefs are threatened we move into fear.

What is underlying our fears is usually the Fear of abandonment, rejection, conflict and engulfment. These fears come from early childhood and the way we were brought up. Fearing rejection or fearing that we are not good enough will leave a massage therapist frozen and unable to step out and do the marketing that is necessary to build a massage practice. People will give up easily saying ‘that didn’t work’ and go on to the next career mainly because they believe their fears are true.

If you remember from massage school and the theories on stress syndromes and the fight or flight reactions, living in a constant state of fear leaves us living in a constant state of ‘fight or flight’ which causes certain physical changes in our bodies:

- Our immune systems, digestive system shut down to allow all energy to go to other systems.
-Our thinking becomes unclear so our brains can just focus on getting out of danger. We don’t have time for deep reflective thought.
- Excess cortisol is produced to combat the inflammation, but overproduction of cortisol leads to a breakdown in tissues often leading to career ending injuries.

Deane Juhan states in his book “Job’s Body” :

Sustained levels of adrenaline and cortisol have other disturbing effects. These include high blood pressure, gastric ulceration, atherosclerosis, suppression of the immune system (which would lower one’s resistance to diseases and infections of all kinds), sterility and significant personality changes”

The way to overcome fear is to take action - take small steps that are achievable and don’t cause much stress. As you build up your self confidence you will be able to take bigger steps.
The other thing to start doing is to look at your thoughts that are creating these fears. Where are they coming from? What beliefs do you have that create these thoughts and feelings of fear? Just recognizing that they are just thoughts and are not real can take away some of the fear so you can start taking the steps.

Posted in Building Your Practice, Ethics, Massage Marketing, Recommended Reading, Starting Your Practice | 2 Comments »

Who does the healing-the massage therapist or the client?

One of the most challenging parts of becoming a massage therapist is the way we think about doing massage or being a massage therapist. People come in to us with a pain, stress or injury and want our attention - want us to fix it. We are often taught in massage school to do just that with the techniques that we learn and the knowledge we acquire. All of this learning and knowing can go to a massage therapists head and make them start thinking that they are the ones’ that are doing the healing for the client. It is really confusing to figure out - Who does the healing?

I believe that our bodies are really just a messenger of something deeper that is needing attention. Figuring out what needs attending to is really the challenge. After receiving 4 years of Integrative Manual Therapy which addresses the internal workings of the body, I learned that there is much more to healing. My IMT practitioner would treat my internal organs such as my liver, spleen, intestines and it would relieve the pain in my neck and back. But even with that - who is doing the healing?

Our bodies really are a reflection of our thoughts and beliefs. Healing and changing on a deeper internal level is something only you can do for yourself - not any client.

The book “Zero Limits” by Joe Vitale takes it to the extremes. It is a book about a psychologist who healed a whole mental ward at a hospital by working on himself - a method called Ho’oponopono meaning ‘to make right’ or to ‘rectify’ that is practiced by ancient Hawaiians. He calls it cleaning - cleaning out all of those old thoughts and beliefs that keep you from living a connected inspired life. The memories we hold- conscious and more importantly the unconscious ones are just old programs that aren’t working any more. You can sometimes tell when you are running an old program by the way you feel. If you are feeling anything but love and joy- it is an old program. But it is also not a sure way of knowing as our feelings can come from other places too.

‘Zero Limits’ is the place where we are free of these old programs - “No memories. No Identity. Nothing but the Divine” he says in the book. Part of the problem is that we don’t ever really know if something is coming from our mind and past or the Divine.

Our intentions can also be confusing. We have the intention of building a massage practice but we struggle. When you are intending to do something you keep fighting what actually is which takes you out of the present moment. It blocks inspiration which is the true connection with our ‘zero limits’.

Most of what happens in our life is only a projection of our programs.

When we are faced with clients who are in pain he says the question to ask is “What’s going on inside of me that shows up as this person’s back pain?”

Thinking about this possibility makes my head hurt it is so mind boggling. I have thought about this in the past. If people are coming to us in pain are we really doing a service for them by ‘taking it away’ or trying to take it away with our massage techniques? It is taking total responsibility for everything in your life. These people are in your life to show you just that.

“You are acting from either memory or inspiration. Memory is thinking; inspiration is allowing. Most of us by far are living out of memories. We are unconscious to them because we are basically unconscious period.

The divine sends a message to you and if your memories are playing you won’t hear it.

From Divinity, you will receive inspiration. An inspiration is from the Divine, but a memory is a program in the collective unconscious of humankind. A program is like a belief, a programming that we share with others when we notice it in others. Our challenge is to clear all the programs so we are back to zero state, where inspiration can come.’

Basically all this guy (Dr Hew Len) did was say “I am sorry and I love you” to heal himself.

Our thinking that we can heal others with what we do is really the ego attempts to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. While there isn’t anything wrong with that for the most part because our egos are also showing us what parts of us need the most healing, there is much more to healing or being a healer. I actually dislike it when people call themselves a healer. I won’t go to anyone who thinks or says that about themselves.

Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More (Hardcover)
by Joe Vitale

The Science of Being Well - How our thoughts create everything in our life including our physical symptoms and health or lack of health.

Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling by Wayne W. Dyer-Inspiration, Dyer writes, is the opposite of motivation and goal-oriented thinking, the latter, “grabbing an idea and carrying it through to an acceptable conclusion.” Inspiration, on the other hand, is when “an idea has taken hold of us from the invisible reality of Spirit.” To Dyer, getting rid of ego in all its manifestations is the first step to connecting with the power of inspiration.

Posted in Ethics, Recommended Reading, The Code of the Caretaker, The Wealthy Massage Therapist | 2 Comments »

The People Pleasing Massage Therapist

I have a theory I am

working on for a book that I call “The Code of the Caretaker”. The theory is that people who are massage therapists and others in the helping professions are driven by the need to please others at the cost of giving up part of themselves.

For massage therapists it shows up in the struggles of building a successful practice in things like:
- Not setting clear cancellation policies: Letting others get away with not paying for their missed appointment at the cost of losing money for the business
-Giving free massages : thinking that is the only way you can get clients in the door
-Giving more of your time in sessions than the alloted time: thinking that you have to take more time to get that knot out or to relieve that pain for the client instead of having lunch
-Thinking doing massage is all about ‘fixing’ others pain. It isn’t. It is about taking care of yourself enough so that you can remain present for another to witness their healing.

These are just a few of the things for starters. What all of these are related to are the ways you sacrifice yourself to please others. It is also called co-dependence.

What we do for others - caretaking, giving up our time and money for others, sacrificing our selves so that others may get massage - often is a ‘code’ of behavior. We are doing for others what we wish someone would do for us.

This deep need to please others comes from wanting to be accepted and appreciated by others. It comes from those wounded places in ourselves that think that we are not good enough just as we are. It often has it’s roots in our family histories where we were taught that having feelings was wrong and that having needs was also wrong. Not having our needs met at an early time in life leads us to think we are not worthy of having those needs met.

So the drama that we create in our lives is an attempt to get those early needs met. So we keep trying to get our needs for attachment, love and acceptance met but sacrificing ourselves thinking it will get us what we need. In truth, as David Rico says in his book “How to be an Adult”

Our problem is not that as children our needs were unmet, but as adults they are still unmourned! The hurt, bereft, betrayed child is still inside of us wanting to cry for what he missed and wanting thereby to let go of the pain and the stressful present neediness he feels in relationships. In fact, neediness itself tells us nothing about how much we need from others; it tells us how much we need to grieve the irrevocably barren past and evoke our inner resources of nurturance

We can only truly “help” (be of service to) others when we have first been helped ourself and have accepted ourselves as the people that we are - with all of our pain and hurts and joy.

As a people pleaser we are also a rescuer - trying to save others from the pain that we ourselves have not yet dealt with. We focus on taking care of others so we don’t have to take a look at this in ourselves. To stop being a rescuer (people pleaser) the only way to do this is to start taking more responsibility for ourselves and doing our own healing. It often is hard for rescuers to see how much they actually need help. When they start to feel their own feelings, it is often easier just to cover them up again and find someone else to take care of. When you are trying to ‘caretake’ others what you are actually saying is that “you are not whole”. “I know more than you do”. “I don’t trust that you can handle this yourself”.
When you are constantly rescuing, you are not taking care of yourself. You fear that if you don’t take care of others that you will be left alone.

Ironically, the thing we often try to give to others is the thing that we ourselves need the most. When you can start to give yourself this first, you will soon win the love and support you need without all of the drama - just by being yourself.

The best way to help others is to be doing what you really want to be doing…Do you want to be working late or taking that last minute client when you were wanting to go home to your family? Do you keep asking for less money than you need from clients as payment? Do you forgive ‘no shows’ or late arrivals by saying “It’s ok and making excuses for others rather than asking for what you need - a no show payment and just giving a late arrival the amount of time left in their alloted time?

This is probably more about what happened to you. No one trusted you or saw you as whole and taught you that being needy and having feelings was wrong.
We act out. We are hurt by others words and actions when they actually have nothing to do with us. Getting to a place of feeling and knowing your own wholeness is a process of learning to become aware of what your emotions are telling you. When you are feeling sadness, anger, frustration or any of the negative emotions, you are feeling those because you are believing the old stories and beliefs. When you are attempting to please everyone, you are actually attempting to control others. You are actually giving your power away.

Gary Zukav speaks of it his book “The Heart of the Soul”

An individual who needs to please is constantly trying to see how others are feeling so that she will know how to be with them. She cannot take their requests and communications at face value. She tries to guess what they are really saying or requesting. That is because she herself, does not communicate what she is feeling, thinking or requesting….If another person is unhappy, she tries to determine how to make that person happy so that she will be more safe….An individual who needs to please, is always tense….
She ignores herself. Because she does not take care of herself, she waits for others to take care of her. She does not feel worthy to ask for what she needs. When she does not get it, she feels resentful. She feels that her devotion-compulsion-to care for others is not reciprocated,…The pain of rejection you seek to avoid goes unexplored, and continues to create the need to please…The goal of pleasing is to avoid experiencing emotions that are too painful or shameful to confront..

The chapter goes on…

But how does that actually apply to building a business and being a massage therapist?
How do you know when you are ‘people pleasing’ or when are you just doing things that you think you need to do to build your practice (like giving free massages)?
If you are giving away your time and you don’t really have it to give. If you are giving away sessions, when you don’t have the money to live….

The difference may not always be clear. Your feelings will tell you. Does your giving make you feel more alive or does it leave you feeling drained?

The thing is that you will probably never really get rid of this but becoming more aware of it you can begin to change. When stressful situations arise, so will your people pleaser most likely.
How do you tell the difference? How do you deal with your “people Pleaser”?

Posted in Building Your Practice, Ethics, Recommended Reading, Starting Your Practice, The Code of the Caretaker, The Wealthy Massage Therapist | 2 Comments »