Let me first start by saying that this response is not condoning sexual massage in any way, shape or form. This is merely a response to look deeper into the issue of erection during massage and create further discussion. Let me also state that while this article specifically talks about erections during massage, sexual arousal during a session can occur for both male and female recipients. However, with female recipients we don’t get the obvious outward sign of arousal, unless nipple erection occurs.
Let’s start with the topic of physiology.

The nervous system includes a complicated network of nerves that run to and from the brain and spinal cord. Many of these nerves share the same pathways. In the topic at hand, we are specifically looking at lumbar and sacral plexuses and stimulation of the nerves through massage. The abdomen, lower limbs, and gluteal muscles share the same nerve pathway and the nerve plexuses as the genitals. When massaging the abs, lower limbs, or glutes, nerve stimulation is diffuse throughout the area and can have an affect on the nerve signals from the genitals.

A main goal of massage therapy is to ‘shut off’ or at least ‘turn down’ a client’s sympathetic nervous system (the ‘fight or flight’ system) and get a client more into his/her parasympathetic nervous system (the ‘rest and digest’ system). The parasympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system controls both the relaxation response and the body’s responses that occur during sexual arousal, specifically vasocongestion. So when one relaxes out of a sympathetic state there is a predisposition to sexual arousal.

Now that we have looked a tiny bit at the physiology, let’s look at other factors that play into this topic. Those factors are other stimulus and the limbic system.

Our limbic system controls emotions, behavior, memory, and sexual response. In humans, sexual response starts with any stimulus that is erotic to an individual and involves the senses or cognitive process such as: a familiar place or setting, seeing an attractive person, hearing certain music, a memory, a touch, a fantasy, and much more. The key here is that the stimulus is erotic to an individual and varies greatly from person to person.

In a massage session this stimulus may be the feel of the sheets, the soft lighting, candles burning, certain smells, being nude, even simply lying down. These can all be stimulus that the mind connects with sexual experience and may signal a sexual response. Add these stimulus to the physiological responses above and the chances for a sexual arousal increase.

So, let me answer a few of the questions posed in the article. The first one being, “If erections were just a result of being touched then do heterosexual men get erections when they are massaged by males?”

First off, we now know that it is more complicated than simply “a result of being touched”. Secondly, the answer is yes. I have had heterosexually identified men become aroused during a session. I have even had heterosexually identified men become aroused during CranioSacral Therapy Sessions which are performed fully clothed. As the body relaxes deeper into parasympathetic, the odds of arousal increase. While working on the sacral, lumbar, and pelvic areas of the craniosacral system, I am working specifically in the area of the lumbar sacral plexuses talked about above. I have also spoken with other male massage therapists from around the country who have had heterosexual men become aroused during a session.

“Why don’t men who are stressed out or have something else on their mind that is bothering them automatically get one? Why do men who are with a loving partner that they trust have issues with erections when they are under stress?”

As discussed above, the sexual response is under the control of the parasympathetic nervous system. As is the case with many, many people in society, sympathetic nervous system activation is high. Because of the many stressors people face on a daily basis and the high levels of anxiety to just get by, people live in their sympathetic nervous system. It can be very difficult for someone to access his/her parasympathetic nervous system. Look at the rise in prescriptions for anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills. We live in a go-go-go, ‘don’t stop’ society which keeps people in ‘fight or flight’ and over time the body adapts to this and it becomes the norm. Under these conditions it can be difficult for men to “automatically get one” even with a loving, trusting partner.

“If the issue was just physiological it would be able to be controlled by changing the physiology. Erectile dysfunction could be remedied by massage then instead of the many drugs that are out there today.”

I have to say that I am very surprised by this statement from a fellow bodyworker. Of course ED is a physiological issue. What else would it be? Even from the approach of it being a structural issue, structure and function are inter-related thereby making it physiological issue. If you look at the major causes of ED they are all physiological diseases of the body or physiological side effects of prescription drugs. So yes, ED could be remedied by massage instead of drugs if massage were a cure for diabetes, kidney disease, nerve damage, multiple sclerosis, arthrosclerosis, etc, etc.

I also want to stop here and point out a ‘technique’ that is often taught in massage schools and discussed between bodyworkers regarding erections during massage. It is fairly common knowledge that if a client gets an erection while massing the areas discussed above (abs, gluts, lower limbs) the therapist can move to a different area of the body. If the client does not indicate any other signs of sexual interest the phase will pass in a minute or two. To me, this is a clear example that arousal can be a purely physiological response.

Often times it is someone new to massage who becomes aroused during a massage session. I believe this to be because up to this point he/she has mainly experienced touch during sexual acts. If the therapist has very clear, therapeutic boundaries and knows how to properly address the issue of arousal in an ethical, educated way, in time the new client will become used to massage and his/her body will begin to separate touch into sexual and non-sexual, therapeutic types. Arousal will become less likely to occur as he/she becomes accustomed to therapeutic massage.

Arousal may or may not indicate that the client is looking for something sexual. As I have pointed out, there are ways the body can initiate an arousal response automatically. What bugs me the most and prompted such a lengthy reply to the article is that just because male arousal can cause a visibly noticeable response, it is very often assumed that he must be thinking about or want something sexual. And while I understand that in some instances this is true (and have personally stopped a session and asked the client to leave); I believe the vast majority men who become aroused during a session are not looking for anything sexual to happen. Let me illustrate this with a story that a colleague’s brother shared with us during a conversation about why he won’t get a massage.

He had decided to finally try out massage, even though he was nervous about getting an erection. He booked an appointment and went in for his session. He was a bit nervous, but as the therapist worked on his back he began to forget about his nerves, begins to enjoy his first massage and starts fading into that wonderful meditative-like state brought on by the parasympathetic. He even began to drool.
Halfway through the therapist asked him to turn over. He jumped slightly when the therapist as he realized he was really ‘out of it’ for a while.

As he started to turn over, he also realized that he had an erection. The nervousness and the embarrassment hit him like a ton of bricks. He turned over, and tried to adjust himself to hide the fact he had an erection. The therapist noticed that he was erect, had ‘touched’ himself, and appeared a bit nervous (side note: yes we do notice all that stuff during sessions). The therapist says ‘This is not that kind of massage. I’m going to leave the room so you can get dressed.’

Yes, I am very aware the therapist should have handled this differently. But I have heard stories like this more than once. It happens because it is automatically assumed that the man wants something sexual. Now, this gentleman is not only embarrassed and feeling ashamed, but may never get a massage again. (another side note: he did pay the full fee)

The article quoted Anne Stirling Hastings, “Cross wiring, as I have defined it (the author of the book is saying this) reflects the incorrect associations between sexuality and anything else that is not inherently sexual”. I feel this is also applicable to the therapist who immediately associates an erection with the desire for sexual activity.

Those of us in this profession have a responsibility to do our part to accurately and properly educate society about the benefits of massage therapy. That includes educating that there is a physiological potential for sexual arousal and that as long as it is not acted upon by either party involved and the session remains therapeutic, there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. If arousal happens, it should be discussed by the therapist and client either at that moment or after the session. Men who wish to have a relaxing, therapeutic experience should not be so afraid and nervous about it that they never get to experience how great it is to receive a professional massage.

Julie,

I definitely did miss your point, but was glad to offer my input on the topic. I do think it is an important issue currently facing our profession.

You asked, “Why don’t all men get erections then on the massage table when they are relaxed?”

I think there are a few reasons which were touched upon in my response. And I don’t think it is one of these as much as a combination of these things.

First, I think a lot of people can’t fully relax - even during a massage. So he never really gets into a true parasympathetic state where there is the possibility for arousal.

Second, if he has received massages before then his body understands and is accustomed to what it feels like to become relaxed and receive massage without a sexual response.

The third reason ties in a bit with the second. As I stated in my previous post, I believe that most guys only know touch as being a sexual event. (I won’t go into society’s view of touch or male gender stereotypes here. I’ll save that for a later discussion.) Notice that I said ‘most guys’.

I believe a very large percentage of men who do receive massage are very comfortable with more ‘casual’ touch. They grew up in homes with families who touched and hugged, and they had relationships where touch was more than just sexual. So they come into their first massage session not needing to ‘learn’ that not all touch is sexual. (Keep in mind I am not talking about guys who are intentionally looking for a sexual massage.)

Lastly there may be physiological issues present which prevent a guy from getting an erection. So even working in some of the potential ‘arousal areas’ would not send arousal signals to the CNS.

Also I want to clarify my point and state that I believe it is a combination of all that I discussed that leads to arousal. It is a complex chemical and neural mixture of physiology, autonomic nervous system, limbic system, external sexual stimulus, and touch history that can lead to arousal.

I agree with you that there is the potential to rewire. As a therapist specializing in Upledger’s CranioSacral Therapy, I have training in SomatoEmotional Release. I am fortunate to witness people rewire and make new pathways all the time during sessions. I know without a doubt it can be done.

But I feel the first step we must take “…to rewire this expectation and fear of getting an erection on the massage table …” needs to be massage therapists not viewing every erection as a sexual advance.

Sorry you think this is silly but it is one of the most important discussions we can have as massage professionals.

Men seem to keep mis-interpreting my writings about this. I know men get them. It is Ok to get them. It is healthy.

I am just saying that there can be some great healing done around touch for men and the women regarding this issue.

Sorry I am not changing professions after 20 years in this one…

I post this only because I don’t want men sending me emails that are one sided anymore and wish to create a discussion on this topic. And since I am a female, I want to get men’s input on this topic.

I wish that you could explain then why all men don’t get them. I wish you could also explain why men who are under stress and have something else on their mind can’t get them no matter how relaxing the setting or touch. It is a very delicate combination of things that have to happen and it starts with our thoughts.

Thanks for your input.

Julie

You should have kept reading… I didn’t say anything about erections not be a natural part of a males physiology nor do I have a problem with them. The thing is that many women and even men do.

I have yet to have a male explain then why don’t all men just automatically get one and why some men can’t get one no matter how relaxed they are (and don’t have any physiological issues going on).

It happens when both sexes are giving the massage so it is a very important issue to discuss for massage professionals.
Julie

The thing is that it would be nice to just not talk about this. We can talk about womens reactions to getting a massage by a male too.

I am getting so many emails from women about these writing saying “right on” which clearly shows that they are challenged by dealing with erections. Many women will just end a session because of the fear of it escalating to rape or the guy wanting a happy ending. If women (and men) understood more about what was going on, they could just address it appropriately and continue the session.

The other interesting thing is that this post gets the men posting their replies and the women remain quite or send me a private email showing that there is much healing on both parties that can happen around this very sensitive issue.

Julie

My responses to your latest comments:

“…I am getting so many emails from women about these writing saying “right on” which clearly shows that they are challenged by dealing with erections…”…………TO THIS I SAY: IF NATURAL MALE PHYSICAL REACTIONS BOTHER YOU, THEN STOP BOOKING MALES FOR MASSAGE THERAPY!!!!

“…Many women will just end a session because of the fear of it escalating to rape or the guy wanting a happy ending…”………TO THIS I SAY: I AM THANKFUL THAT I HAVEN’T RUN INTO ONE OF THESE (I pity their sexual partners) WOMEN. BY-THE-WAY, BASICALLY A-L-L HETEROSEXUAL MEN WOULD BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED AND PLEASED (AT LEAST AT THE TIME) TO HAVE A ‘HAPPY ENDING’, BUT N-O-B-O-D-Y EXPECTS THAT!

“…If women (and men) understood more about what was going on, they could just address it appropriately and continue the session…”………TO THIS I SAY: ONE TIME I WENT TO A FEMALE MASSAGE THERAPIST WHO MADE IT A POINT TO CALL ATTENTION TO MY “WOODY” IN A WAY THAT MADE ME FEEL GUILTY AND WAS ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY. IT PISSED ME OFF AND I NEVER WENT BACK TO THAT ‘MENTAL CASE’. THE KEY IS TO ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, A-L-W-A-Y-S IGNORE IT!!!!!! OF COURSE PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING ELSE, BUT N-O-T A SIMPLE ERECTION.

In my next comment (this one is long enough) I will tell you of some experiences that I’ve had in which the therapist did do some specific things that DID create this physical response in me. I will never know if these things were done by design or if it was their standard procedure. Whichever the case, these things made ‘it’ happen for me, and were out of the norm enough for me to remember them years later.

Phil, I am curious if you are a professionally trained massage therapist.

It is very different on the ‘other side of the table’. Even as a male therapist, if a male gets an erection during a session, I go ‘on alert’. I need to become aware of other signs that may indicate he wants more than just a massage; and if necessary, need to be prepared to properly end a session without confrontation.
For me, as I think is the case with many therapists is that it is not the erection itself that bothers us. It’s the possibility that we are going to be put in an uncomfortable position. We are professional massage therapists, not sexual service providers.

You commented, “BY-THE-WAY, BASICALLY A-L-L HETEROSEXUAL MEN WOULD BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED AND PLEASED (AT LEAST AT THE TIME) TO HAVE A ‘HAPPY ENDING’, BUT N-O-B-O-D-Y EXPECTS THAT!”
The truth is that there are guys who expect it - that’s why those of us in this profession need to continue having this conversation. Many people still believe that a masseuse provides sexual massage.

Lastly, it is not a good idea for a massage therapist to “ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, A-L-W-A-Y-S IGNORE IT!!!!!!”
It is a judgment call for the therapist. I will agree that from what you have told us, the therapist who made that comment was out of line.
However, if I am working with a client and I notice that he is getting really uncomfortable and maybe embarrassed because of getting an erection, I will probably say something. It will be educational, non-sexual, and non-insulting. I may not talk directly about it during the session, but will talk about it after the session has ended. Why do I talk about it?

I want the client to know (as long as it is non-sexual) that it happens and I want him to not feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about coming back for another session. I also let him know that it may not happen at every session. Taking time to discuss it helps to defuse the feelings that come up around this topic so that when he comes back for his next massage he can fully relax without the ‘fear’ of getting an erection. If it happens, it happens.

I don’t have any problems at all with men getting erections on the massage table. The thing that I want to accomplish here is learning more about them so that men can have an opportunity to heal the shame they feel about them and help them understand the difference between a massage and sensuality and not always think that sensual touch will bring a sexual response.

I am not clear as to what request you would make of your massage therapist? To see where an erection would go? That isn’t allowed.

Why does sensual always have to mean sexual for men is what I want to know?

Can men not enjoy the touch for what it is just nurturing touch without needing/wanting/using the parasympathetic response reason for getting an erection?

Hello Julie.

I don’t mean to be judgmental but it does seem that you already have answers to your questions and that you want to be validated by mens responses. I can appreciate your questions and curiosity, but what I believe might be “upsetting” certain male readers is your “assumption” that men need to be healed. You know what? You are probably right, for some men…

Some men simply like to be touched. Some men can’t control it. Some men don’t want to control it. And I’m sure some men would want to and still can’t get an erection… during massage.

I have a few questions as well. Only one man has had an erection during your massages (20,000)? Did that man seem like he wanted more from you? Conversely, how many men who did not have an erection want more from you? You write of healing and social stigma, but what about fear in general, fear that an erection somehow will lead to rape? I am not a woman, and I don’t claim to know of fear of rape, and I certainly don’t want to trivialize it, but these are also components of the discussion. But please, in some way, your comments simply aggravate what you believe to be true. Heal a man’s reaction towards an erection? I find it a bit ironic.

Also a bit ironic that anyone who would be embarrassed or ashamed, would be more so by your writing.

To give you insight into my own massage experience. There are times during a massage when I get erections. Sometimes its because the sheet moves over me a certain way. Sometimes its because I like the way it feels when the masseuse is touching me. Sometimes I get one walking over to the room with the masseuse and I get a little nervous about being naked which makes me focus on it and I get an erection (that might be what you are looking for?). And sometimes it just happens. Sometimes I tuck it away so that I dont have to worry about making my masseuse uncomfortable. Sometimes I sleep. The reason I go to get a massage is relieve the tension in the muscles of my body. And I love being touched by a woman, I don’t need anything more.

My final (not really final!) comment is a little off topic, but it is in response to your last post (on 24 Mar 2008 at 9:56 pm)

What is nurturing? What is touch? I guarantee you that most men don’t even know what parasympathetic response is let alone use it as an excuse.

You shouldn’t so always and all so much… it bothers some people. =)

regarding
“Why does sensual always have to mean sexual for men is what I want to know?”
The question is not phrased properly so I can’t answer it. But if your question was with the “always” (maybe mostly), my answer would be simple… because we are not women. There are differences, lets not try to eliminate them, lets embrace them. Women attract men, lets not be children here. This is the nature of things. Any time you wear anything or do anything that makes you feel more like a women, is laced by some genetic response. And our reactions to those things are also just that simple. Hard-ons? Nothing to fix…

You will never get what you want.

Have you or a friend had scary experience with male client?

I do agree that the whole physiological card is a bit overplayed. Its actually quite comedic.
A man is naked with a thin layered sheet over him and there is a woman touching him. Please…

Sorry if I’m a bit all over the place… Everyone is right, and everyone is wrong. Including me…

“What I do get is many emails from women who do and who are very concerned about having to deal with this especially women who want to work alone in a office space or in their homes.”

Im not trying to say the link below is the answer or works or helps or that I agree with it. I include it here merely because it seems to be “tactical” and you can decide to pass it along.

http://www.integrative-healthcare.org/mt/archives/2005/12/a_common_male_p.html

You guys are really getting the wrong idea… I have nothing against men getting erections on the table. I am challenging you to explain why not all men get them and explain why you do? Instead of just saying that it is normal to get them. It isn’t the norm at all. Most men do not get them and it isn’t a problem.

Are you able to tell the difference between sensual? and sexual? I think you are missing out of so much by getting an erection on the table.

I just think that there is a very deep hidden side to this as with all things and hope that men can have a chance to find it - whatever it is…

I also think it is the type of massage that is given. I do mainly deep tissue and structural integration work and trigger point work and have only had a few guys (maybe 2 now) get an erection on my table in 20 years.

I don’t think of it as a compliment if you do get one and if a massage therapist said that “I see you are enjoying your massage” I would run the other way because they think they are the cause of it and they probably are because their thoughts are on what they are creating on their table.

Julie

Hi Julie,

Normal doesn’t mean it will happen every time. It is a physiological response created by the parasympathetic nervous system kicking in — why does it kick in sometimes and not others? Same way you can have something cold on your neck on a hot day and it feels good, and other times it sends shivers down your spine. Your body is not always in the same state when you start — nor is everyone’s body the same.

If you search online, and find some reputable medical sites, you’ll see doctors and psychologists talking about the same issue and suggesting what to do about it, including an eight level approach starting with calm discussion with the client and going up to referring them to someone else.

All of the sites say that is a natural physical reaction that occurs in both sexes, more noticeable in men, but not every time any more than any thing else is always the same — I have ticklish sides, but not always. And, as most of the sites suggest, there are two ways to tell if it is “inappropriate” or “normal” — switch areas or increase/decrease pressure/pace, particularly pressure, and see if it goes away. If it goes away, it was spontaneous; if it stays, it might (but only might) be something to discuss. Of course, that conversation can only take place in context — I have a couple of female friends who were talking one day about getting a new doctor, and in the middle of the exam, it was a bit cold, and as the doctor was examining her chest and breasts, she suddenly realized her nipples were hard as diamonds. (her words). It would have been totally humiliating for her if the doctor had said, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing sexual about this. If you’re aroused, we should stop.” And when she’s cold, it sometimes happens, but not always. But in that context, any conversation would be overkill perhaps.

I’ve had some training, but I’m not a professional, so my interest is mainly as a client. I know it is “natural” and nothing to be ashamed of, nor can I do much that is GUARANTEED to prevent the possible reaction (I focus on doing math in my head, others recite baseball stats), and yet, sometimes, because of the sheet rubbing, or the pressure is a bit too sensual and not therapeutic enough, or I was flirting with the waitress at the diner next door before I came in, or my nervous system is hyper sensitive that day, or maybe I’ve gone too long between sex encounters, who knows, but my body reacts. It doesn’t last long, and as soon as the person moves away from the area it (almost always) goes away. I’m not thinking anything subconsciously, I’m quite lucky in having a great sex partner at home, and have no interest or inclination in external titillation or even validation, but it sometimes happens, and I am not hoping for a happy ending.

I was looking for info on this for a specific reason — my body reacts most often when I have therapists working on my quads. And, my IT band and quads are wrecked right now, so I have an appointment tomorrow with a young but good therapist, properly trained, but there’s a chance my body might respond. I am not worried about it because I’ll be embarrassed by it (sure, I will a little), but rather because I’m more worried she’ll be uncomfortable or think I’m being disrespectful.

On two previous occasions where it’s happened with a therapist, the first time I ignored it, she increased pressure and it went away. Another one who I had for about 2 years switched offices and went from having heavy sheets to light thin ones (i.e. much more noticeable tenting) — I was comfortable enough with her to say “Ummm, so, ummm, just in case, I know you’re a professional therapist and I’ve had lots of massage sessions with professionals so I know it isn’t sexual, but if my body responds, please don’t be insulted by it nor think I’m thinking inappropriate thoughts etc.” Her reaction was being openly stunned that I would apologize to her in advance that it might happen, thrilled that I brought it up, and happy that I was comfortable enough to tell her openly that I was worried she’d think I didn’t respect her professionalism — she’s a professional therapist, I’m not a professional patient. And it did happen with her, not that time but another time, and she increased pressure and changed locations, and it went away.

And some of it depends on the therapist technique. I don’t know your training / credentials, particularly as you started 20 years ago when the profession was unregulated, but in my area, it is strictly regulated now. And if you go to a registered therapist rather than a “relaxation” person (no, I’m not talking about a prostitute, just one of the ones who hang out their shingles in spas usually), I find it a lot less common with therapists for my body to react.

Therapists know what they’re doing, non-regulated masseuses quite often don’t — they’re massaging, and it feels good, but they couldn’t tell you anything about which amount of pressure is right. I had one who was doing long strokes on my back which was great, and then when she got to my legs, I was doing “fine” until she started running her hands slowly up the inside seam of my right leg. It sure felt great, and I don’t think she was suggesting anything, she just didn’t know to avoid the inside of the thigh. Fortunately, I was wearing shorts, and I got her to move to my IT bands instead with more pressure. “Problem” solved. But I bet she’s popular with the males if she continues to use that technique.

I’ll accept that some men might want more, just as I’ve had female friends who got massages from me when I was in school who suddenly thought we were dating and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t trying to give them happy endings. And in that situation, it was even more volatile — I didn’t have the “sorry, I am a therapist, not a date” argument to protect me, here I was a friendly male they were naked in front of, enjoying having me massage their lower backs and legs, and not being too shy about trying to entice me.

Interestingly enough, and to shoot myself a bit in the foot, I have only ever had the reaction once when a man was giving me a massage, and only slightly. While you might be tempted to say “Ah-hah!”, one possible explanation is that I used to be a bit homophobic (poor upbringing, a lifetime to correct), and I was uncomfortable having anyone see me naked, let alone a man touch me. I’m a lot more “open” now, 40 years on, but my last four main therapists in six years have been women, so hard to say. I suspect I’d still be too “nervous” to relax enough generally with a man, reaction or no. I’m still a bit uncomfortable with women too, I always make sure the lights are down pretty low, I go swimming with my shirt on (to prevent burning, riiiiight), the only person who sees me naked is my wife.

And, I’d like to say she’s the only one who sees me with an erection, but that’s not true — she’s just the only one who actually gets to see the erection itself rather than the evidence of one. But even with her, something that might work 90% of the time to give me an arousal might not work the other 10% of the time. Depends on mental state, body dynamics, time of day, how much I slept the night before, etc.

Oddly enough, and this may be completely politically incorrect, but I did have the reaction during a massage with an, umm, repulsive older woman (so, umm, sort of like a man!). I wasn’t even sure I wanted her touching me, she had the flu, kept coughing, etc., and the room didn’t look that clean (I was travelling and my back was screwed up after being scrunched into an economy seat with a bulkhead right behind me so the seat didn’t recline, the therapist was a doctor-recommended clinic next door to the hotel). I was completely repulsed, totally tense, completely stressed, and yet my body still reacted.

I don’t know that all this leads to a satisfying conclusion other than to say “clients worry about it too”, not just because of embarrasment but the risk of misinterpretation too; and it happens irregularly with no particular rhyme or reason. Oddly enough, I once had a relaxation massage from an incredibly attractive redhead who spent a lot of time on my legs when I was single, travelling, and open to anything, and yet she was a great masseuse — no reaction at all, pressure was perfect throughout.

P.

I’m leaving a response as a customer of massage therapy. I’d like to post a comment about office- vs. at-home MTs.

I have been receiving massage in a chiropractor’s office (from a CMT) and have found three things that that irritate the heck out of me when receiving a full body massage: 1)I enter the room at e.g. 12 noon and am given 10 minutes to undress. I only need 2 at the most. When I ask why the delay, they say that they want to give me time to relax. Huh? Isn;t that what the massage is for? Laying there on a table in an empty, silent room like a cadaver isn’t what I call relaxing. 2) Aren’t quads and hamstrings, even the abducter and adducter longus muscles of the thigh a muscle group? Ask a new cadet CMT to massage your glutes or adductors and they look at you like you are the American Gigolo. I come away feeling ashamed that I asked someone to massage a region or muscle group that may be erotic. Two inches over the knee, and the knee bone itself, just doesn’t do it. 3) If the MT gets started at 12:10, you set your clock when the hands reach 12:48. 38 minutes? I heard the guideline is 45 to 55 minimum. I thought of a 4) Can you females drop the attitude that I’m a sesit/homophobic pig because I ask if the on call MT is male or female and will ask for a female instead of a male?

Yes, massage can be physiologically arousing, but psychologically, red blooded American males prefer to be in the company of a female if an erection occurs, not a male. Sorry to offend all you feminists out there, but isn’t relaxation what massage is about?

Regarding at-home MTs–I see a few (3 total) at different times because I don’t like the chiropractic adjustments and just want a massage. All three have agreed to allow me to practice on them, that is train me in some basic techniques. All have teaching credentials. Nothing sexual happens. Recently, this last MT has been exposed to my erection during thigh and abdominal massage. Rather than make a deal or embarrass me, she ignores it. I brought it up, and she said don’t worry about it, that MT is sort of like practicing medicine–you just have to overlook certain things (because there is nothing sexual about it).

I wish other MTs would loosen up and take this medical approach to handling physiolgicanl and psychosexual issues with their clients and talk openly about it. Otherwise, we are embarrased by your embarrasment.

Tim

Julie,

I’m just someone (a man) who has come across your blog: I’ve never had a massage in my life.

It’s kind of funny that you think it “abnormal” for a man to get an erection when a woman is sensually rubbing all over his body, or that these men need to “heal”, or that shame is involved. The one’s that aren’t getting them (which by your account is most of them) are not getting erections because they are intentionally thinking about baseball scores or Edward J Olmos’ face.

Erections happen all the time - in the morning, watching a woman eat a banana, climbing the rope in gym class, they happen when you want them to happen, they (sometimes) happen when you don’t want them to happen, they happen when you’re indifferent. Sometimes it’s a 100% physical reaction, sometimes it 100% mental, sometimes it’s both.

So what I’m saying is that most men are skilled at suppressing erections when needed. I personally would not want to spend $100 to go lay on a table and think about my dog getting hit by a car in order to prevent a boner, but to each his own.