The thing is that there are men who come in expecting something more and we can’t always know the difference.

I also find it very interesting how this stirs up so much in men and men who aren’t even a massage therapist but a client and women don’t post anything about their perspective.

I do mainly deep tissue and structural integration work that can be painful at times if a persons body is out of alignment or injured.

Thanks - but I am now going to shut this down because frankly I have had enough. How bout you?

Julie

Hi Julie - Before I say anything, I would like to acknowledge your years as a massage therapists, and even though I don’t know you, you do seem like an intelligent person and I respect your opinions. The only problem is I am not sure which answer you are looking for? Is it how women should deal with the erection situation, or whether or not men have a dark uncontrollable illness when it comes to getting an erection when massaged? I think you are going to far with this. I am a 26 year old male. i have had a relatively normal life, and I have never been a victim of abuse or any psychological abuse concerning anything sexual. Every now and then I do get an erection from a massage, and because I am a mature adult, I am not ashamed of it. But since not everyone understands that erections just happen, or can handle it, I (and I would assume most men) would rather not put ourselves in an embarrassing position, even though this can’t always be helped. What I want to know is why do if I have an erection during a massage does there have to be a dark hidden issue at the root of it all?! I don’t see how you cannot equate stimulation with reaction? Do you have to be eating to be hungry, or do you sometimes smell something good and it grabs your attention? And I don’t know how you have separated sensual and sexual touch, as if my penis knows the difference? I may mentally know that the massage is simply sensual. The massage therapist may know the massage is purely sensual. But how can you expect my, or any males equipment which usually acts autonomously to decipher between the two. The very fact that erections happen outside of massage therapy without even any physical contact should be enough to justify that there is no dark or secret side to all of this. It is natural, so stop trying to demonize it. If you can say that erections in all other walks of life are normal, then what logic is involved when saying, “just not on the massage table”, especially when stimulation is involved. And congratulations on only having 3 out of 1000 males get an erection on your table. Either your massage wasn’t very relaxing or you tried to psycho analyze your clients with this mess during a session. Maybe they were nervous, which in my experience doesn’t provide profound amounts of erections. Whatever the cause, it doesn’t matter. All I know is it is insulting to insinuate that I have an interal issue simply my penis did what it was designed to do, which is respond to stimili, and even do it without my knowledge. If you have a penis for 3 days, you wouldn’t even ask this question. As far as what females should do in the case of an erection, perhaps the best answer is professionalism. If we can agree that most people go to a massage therapist knowing full well what the session entails, then I don’t see what other answer you want when erections happen. Perhaps if those females can’t deal with it in a professional and realistic manner, then maybe they aren’t cut out for the work. What I would like to know is what I should do when I run into a massage therapist that can’t mentally handle this, and I don’t plan on never getting a massage again, and I am sure there will come a time in the future when my boner will return from the “dark side”. If you are trying to write a book or come up with some sort of hypothesis for a massage magazine, then maybe I will let this slide. But if you are trying to use this to come across as a versed psychologist, then I am afraid you need to go back to school. And since you stated you won’t be leaving your career after 20 years, perhaps you ought to leave the mental analysis bit with those that are actually degreed from an accredited institution. In short, if you want to do massage therapy, great. but it is unhealthy for you to pass such judgment on guys who cannot help this sort of thing by passing it off as an illness.

A 100% dyed-in-the-wool gay man, I have got erections during massage by female massage therapists. Woodies are not always a sign of sexual interest.

What if it was obvious that a female client was sexually aroused on your massage table? would you be puzzled in the same way? Would you be as uncomfortable and would you be as curious to know why she (your aroused hypothetical client) was sexually aroused? Would you wonder why she confused sensual with sexual? I think your concern revolves around the male client because the male client is potentially capable of harm where as the sexually aroused female client is not. I empathize with your dilemma with the male client who would appear to want more bang for his buck so to speak. You are a massage therapist not a prostitute.
I wish you the best of luck in your search for understanding but I think to really get it you would need to be a man.

I think it just all boils down to gender differences and what action an aroused male might take to make his happy ending a reality. An aroused female client poses almost no threat to a female therapist and zero threat to a male therapist. The worst thing an aroused female client could do to a female or male therapist is make a pass. Ouch, who couldn’t survive that?

The aroused male on the other hand has the ability to do what the aroused female client can’t do. He can pose a threat just by displaying an appendage that is capable of conjuring up worst case scenarios in the mind of any female cornered by this unannounced visiter.

A vagina just doesn’t scare anyone no matter what it does but the penis has a very long rap sheet going back to the cave so it has an established reputation.

Julie, you question why we men seem to have difficuly distinguishing the difference between what is sensual and what is sexual. We can tell the difference, it’s just that often what is sensual triggers what is sexual especially when it is being offered via touch. It’s just how we’re wired. Males and females are just wired differently.

A comedian illustrated this difference in his stand up routine. He said that when women go to see male strippers they giggle and laugh and are there to have fun but when men go to watch female strippers they’re like lions watching elk.

I had an experience several years ago while receiving a massage from a woman about my age. I got an erection during the massage. After the massage was over she invited me to stay. She cooked some food, we had dinner, we talked about all kinds of things. Afterwards she asked me to get comfortable on her bed. she made it quite clear that she wanted me to spend the night with her. I had a lot going on with a recent separation from my wife so I politely declined and left.

I didn’t feel threatened in any way by her but I’m sure if she was a male and I was a female I might have felt threatened.

I think if an erection makes a female therapist uncomfortable she should stick with female clients because sensual and sexual for us are kissing cousins and we are going to react unless we’re good at doing mathematical equasions in our head.

It isn’t abnormal for men to get them on the massage table - it just isn’t normal. I have done massage for 20 years and probably see 1000 clients a year and I probably have had 3 men I can say that had an erection. How would you explain that?

I’m just someone (a man) who has come across your blog: I’ve never had a massage in my life.

It’s kind of funny that you think it “abnormal” for a man to get an erection when a woman is sensually rubbing all over his body, or that these men need to “heal”, or that shame is involved. The one’s that aren’t getting them (which by your account is most of them) are not getting erections because they are intentionally thinking about baseball scores or Edward J Olmos’ face.

Erections happen all the time - in the morning, watching a woman eat a banana, climbing the rope in gym class, they happen when you want them to happen, they (sometimes) happen when you don’t want them to happen, they happen when you’re indifferent. Sometimes it’s a 100% physical reaction, sometimes it 100% mental, sometimes it’s both.

So what I’m saying is that most men are skilled at suppressing erections when needed. I personally would not want to spend $100 to go lay on a table and think about my dog getting hit by a car in order to prevent a boner, but to each his own.

I’ve probably had about 15 or so massage seessions — and I don’t think I’ve ever had a massage session where I haven’t had an erection. I never want anything sexual out of the session — it just happens, and I hope the therapist will just ignore it.

Two things that happened that bothered me:
- one time I was seeing a new therapist. She was an older, grandmotherly type of person. She was very professional, and went over all the usual forms and set expectations up front — I had no problem with that. When she told me to turn over so she could work on the front part of my body, she could tell that under the drape, I had an erection. I’m pretty sure I heard a small gasp and noticed a hesitation in her response. I wondered if, for a second, she was going to stop the session. I was a bit offended by that. I had no sexual thoughts or intentions — it was just a physical response that I couldn’t control. I expected her to know that and not be bothered by it. I never went back to her again.
- another time was the only time I went to a male therapist. This was the only session (in the US) where a therapist ever told me to leave my underwear on. I felt that this was setting up the environment that he didn’t trust me. Through out the entire session I felt that he didn’t want to be examining me, and I felt a lot more embarassed when I got the inevitable (but fortunately brief) erection during the exam. I’m not going to have a male therapist again.

The best therapist I ever had was not embarassed to work on my abs or hips even if I had an erection. There was nothing sexual about what she did, and she always kept my penis draped, even though she did some really good work on my glutes and hips. She was one of the first therapists I ever went to, and the first time I had to turn over so she could work on my front, she could tell that I was embarassed — I was trying to look and see how much of a tent my erection was making in the drape. She knew exactly what was going on, and was very nice about it. She never mentioned anything about my erect state, but just said, “relax, lay back, everything is all right.” She was just great. I wish I wasn’t tied in to a pre-paid massage program, so I could go back to her again.

I have been receiving massage in a chiropractor’s office (from a CMT) and have found three things that that irritate the heck out of me when receiving a full body massage: 1)I enter the room at e.g. 12 noon and am given 10 minutes to undress. I only need 2 at the most. When I ask why the delay, they say that they want to give me time to relax. Huh? Isn;t that what the massage is for? Laying there on a table in an empty, silent room like a cadaver isn’t what I call relaxing. 2) Aren’t quads and hamstrings, even the abducter and adducter longus muscles of the thigh a muscle group? Ask a new cadet CMT to massage your glutes or adductors and they look at you like you are the American Gigolo. I come away feeling ashamed that I asked someone to massage a region or muscle group that may be erotic. Two inches over the knee, and the knee bone itself, just doesn’t do it. 3) If the MT gets started at 12:10, you set your clock when the hands reach 12:48. 38 minutes? I heard the guideline is 45 to 55 minimum. I thought of a 4) Can you females drop the attitude that I’m a sesit/homophobic pig because I ask if the on call MT is male or female and will ask for a female instead of a male?

Yes, massage can be physiologically arousing, but psychologically, red blooded American males prefer to be in the company of a female if an erection occurs, not a male. Sorry to offend all you feminists out there, but isn’t relaxation what massage is about?

Regarding at-home MTs–I see a few (3 total) at different times because I don’t like the chiropractic adjustments and just want a massage. All three have agreed to allow me to practice on them, that is train me in some basic techniques. All have teaching credentials. Nothing sexual happens. Recently, this last MT has been exposed to my erection during thigh and abdominal massage. Rather than make a deal or embarrass me, she ignores it. I brought it up, and she said don’t worry about it, that MT is sort of like practicing medicine–you just have to overlook certain things (because there is nothing sexual about it).

I wish other MTs would loosen up and take this medical approach to handling physiolgicanl and psychosexual issues with their clients and talk openly about it. Otherwise, we are embarrased by your embarrasment.

Tim