Handling Projection

November 20, 2006 Julie Onofrio Ethics, Peer Supervision

“Projection occurs when a person has a thought or feeling that she is not comfortable with and then “projects” it onto others seeing it as their issue.”

Cherie Sohnen Moe – The Ethics of Touch

Projections are parts of ourselves that we are unconscious of that we can see more clearly in the presence of others. We tend to project these unmet needs on others until we can find a way to heal that part of ourself. The problem is that when clients project their thoughts and feelings onto the massage therapist the therapist must be aware enough and have clear enough boundaries as to not let the issue affect their response. When you react with wanting to fix a problem of the clients – including the pain they come into you with that they want fixed – or if you try to give clients advice about what to do it is really more about you than the client. Giving advice and fixing is really what you would do for yourself (and often fail to do for yourself as a massage therapist.)
Projections are a major part of every relationship and are more prevalent in the massage profession because of the nature of touch. Touch brings up buried feelings and emotions that many may have forgotten about or never even knew about from a long time ago.

The way to handle projections (called transference) from a client is to be able to remain solid in one’s self rather than getting hooked into the projection.

Can you allow the person to have their feelings no matter what it brings up for you and acknowledge that someone is in pain or feeling whatever it is that people are feeling.

Can you just acknowledge that someone is in pain without having to fix it or give your advice about it?

Some Examples:
A massage therapist is going through menopause and struggling with all of the many symptoms that one goes through with that. A client comes in and says she is not sleeping well. The therapist assumes it must be menopause too for this client and recommends some of the books she is reading or some of the things she is pursuing.

A client comes in after losing a sibling to cancer and is in a state of grieving. The client begins making specific requests for specific deep tissue work. The massage therapist starts to think that their massage is not good enough and feels threatened. The therapist also thinks that she is doing deep tissue work and the pressure shouldn’t go any deeper or she physically can’t go any deeper. Instead of attuning to the clients needs, they are ignored and excuses are made such as “I don’t think you need to have such deep work”. The client leaves dissatisfied and complains to the desk person but never tells the therapist directly to their face. The massage therapist could also have been up front and told the client that she doesn’t do such deep work and give the choice of ending the session right there (in which the therapist would lose money but would be more in line with her values about doing deep work)

A client with nagging back pain who can’t focus effectively on their work or their family finds relief from getting a massage. They actually feel elated that the pain is reduced and relaxed. The client feels eternally grateful for this work and thinks that it is the massage therapist doing all the work and that they now owe them something. (This is disowning the feeling. It is they who are feeling great! The massage just stimulated the feelings.)

The way to handle projections from the client and become more aware of your own projections is to start questioning your thoughts and beliefs. There are so many unconscious thoughts that run through our heads at any given moment that we aren’t even aware of them. They are the thoughts that keep you from having the practice of your dreams or the relationship of your dreams. To learn more about what you are thinking, just take a look at what you have in your life currently.

“The Work” of Byron Katie also explores this issue. In her book “Loving what is” she says when you are in someone else’s business (wanting to give people advice) you are thinking untrue thoughts. The effect of being in someone else’s business is separation – which is the opposite of what we are trying to do in massage – become more connected with ourselves and others. She says “To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance”. When you are busy in someone else’s life you are not present to your own.

“When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories and the world is a projected image of your thoughts.”

The way to handle projections onto you is to hold on to yourself. Instead of reacting and wanting to give your advice or whatever your response is, just hold it and mirror it back to the person using reflective listening or getting the person back into the awareness of their body by using touch or other techniques such as “Focusing”.

When someone is projecting something onto you it is like a projection screen. But when you don’t buy into their feelings and thoughts you take the projection screen down.

This is a really difficult and complicated process. there is much more to understanding projections and learning to hold on to yourself. It can be best explored in Peer Supervision Groups or in individual peer supervision sessions.

To learn more about projections ( transference and counter-transference) see the resources section.

Therapeutic Relationship