We are all challenged by our need to be right. It is one of those needs that is really driven by our wounds. When we didn’t receive the listening we needed and were always criticized what results is the need to be right.

How much one obsesses over the need to be right may have something to do with how deeply one was hurt.

The need to be right keeps us from listening to others points of view. It challenges our core of self-esteem. It challenges our very survival.

Letting go of the need to be right is very difficult and will only happen when you wanting to become more aware of yourself to improve your relationships and quality of life. Most resistance to giving up the need to be right has to do with how much one needs to hang onto the pain and grief about what happened to us early in life.

Becoming more aware of oneself is painful in itself. Finally seeing how much of a defensive life we have been living and it is all because no one really told us that we were good, we were important, we were of value…

The need to be right shows up in our massage practices when we think we know what a client needs to get better - some technique, more stretching, some specific exercise. I was once told by an instructor “If you think you know what is wrong with someone, you are wrong.”

We can never know what is best for another. We can only share of our experiences, but the main reason people get a massage is not to hear our story….it is to share theirs. We are more open to listening when our need to be validated is met outside of our practice.

In Peer Supervision Groups, I often refer to the quote from Parker Palmer that he uses in his circle of trust groups ” No fixing, No advising, No setting each other straight”. I just had the insight that this should be used as the code of ethics for all massage therapists! I can see it now! What would massage therapist do if we couldn’t fix, advise or set anyone straight??

Are you challenged by the need to be right?

How does it come into play in your practice or job?

How can you become more aware of the needs behind the need to be right and work to get those met outside of your practice?

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 11th, 2006 at 11:27 am and is filed under Peer Supervision, The Code of the Caretaker. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.