The therapeutic relationship
I have been doing some research on how the state boards define massage and have been finding that a few of them talk about the therapeutic relationship and the law here in WA State even goes as far as making it illegal to date a client until 2 years have passed from them being a client.
What is interesting is that there isn’t any formal training in most schools on the therapeutic relationship and even the classes that there are in school don’t really help because being in practice is so much different than just practicing doing massage in school.
The therapeutic relationship is what is the basis for healing no matter what type of massage one practices. Elliot Greene in his book “The Psychology of the Body” says:
“The relationship between the therapist and the client, besides the work itself, is also part of the therapeutic process. To go one step further, the therapeutic relationship is a key to healing and the effectiveness of the therapeutic process”.
What ever massage therapist has in common is the ability to be a good listener. We listen with our hands and eyes as well as our ears. When someone comes to us in pain or stress, it is the bodies way of communicating with them. Everything begins with feeling. The pain is usually a feeling trying to get their attention.
I have often wondered as a massage therapist - What happens when we as work to take it away? ( It’s a rhetorical question - with no real answer)
What if we could be as effective if we just listened to the client and the story their body is telling?
Listening and acknowledging the message is often all that is needed to bring relief. In order to be a good listener, you need to have been listened too yourself before being able to do it effectively with a client. Being a good listener to yourself allows you to get in touch with your own feelings so that you can learn to be with your feelings and not in them. There is a big difference and being with your feelings is the key to being present with your clients (and in any relationship).
Getting people to feel their bodies is the first step in healing anything. We can do this by being an active listener with all of our senses and learn to stay present with what comes up for us - the feelings that you get just before you feel an urge to give advice.
When you are busy giving advice - you aren’t present.
I was just reading a letter to the editor in Massage Magazine where the writer was talking about that she thought it was our duty to tell someone who is grossly overweight that they might want to lose some weight. Could you image if someone told you that when you were just wanting a massage? You were just wanting to relax or get some relief from your back pain (which could be due to the fact that you are overweight- but it isn’t anyones business.) Byron Katie who wrote the book “Loving What is” says when ever you are in someone else’s business you aren’t present.
Presence is the ability to feel your feelings and not act on them but to acknowledge them. When you can stay present with a client and not give your advice it opens up an opportunity for the client to feel whatever it is that has been causing the pain which often is the only thing that is needed. Sometimes you just need to move through the pain to get to the other side.
This whole way of working is really different from what most massage schools teach.
I have to admit I don’t have this one down myself and it is always a challenge for me but I am always learning more each time I am able to just hold my hands on someone and not get caught up in their pain dramas.
For more on the theraputic relationship see www.thebodyworker.com
www.massagepracticebuilder.com
The Ethics of Touch by Cherie Sohnen Moe and Ben Benjamin excerpt
Heart Centered Therapy - Massage Today
www.presencingsource.com - Articles on Caretaking
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